Matt Coyne - Dummy - Headline Publishing Group

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  • Paperback £8.99
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    • ISBN:9781472243737
    • Publication date:22 Feb 2018
  • Downloadable audio file £P.O.R.
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    • ISBN:9781472248923
    • Publication date:20 Apr 2017

Dummy

The Comedy and Chaos of Real-Life Parenting

By Matt Coyne

  • E-Book
  • £P.O.R.

A hilariously honest book on the mystery and madness of parenting

**THE SUNDAY TIMES TOP 10 BESTSELLER**

'The night before Charlie was born I had this dream. I dreamt that I was a soldier, riding into battle ... completely naked, and on the back of a large, inflatable duck.'

Matt Coyne has become a hero for thousands of parents everywhere who are devoted followers of his popular blog, Man vs Baby.

This is his book, and it is not your average parenting tome. It's packed with completely impractical advice for the bewildered new mum or dad - stuff you won't find anywhere else: from 'Profanity Bingo' for labour to a categorisation of various nappy disasters. But, more than that, it is the story of how becoming a parent is a kind of beautiful insanity - a thing that changes you.

Above all, Dummy will keep you laughing through the exhaustion, the mystery and the madness of bringing up your own children.

This is the parenting book for real people.

Raves for Matt Coyne and Dummy:

'A hero for dads everywhere' Daily Mirror

'Very, Very funny' Phillip Schofield, This Morning

'Hilarious but accurate account of finding your feet as a parent. Matt Coyne's post has struck a chord with parents from all over the world' Daily Mail

'Brutally honest rant on the reality of parenthood has taken the internet by storm' Sunday Telegraph

Biographical Notes

MATT COYNE is a 42-year-old graphic designer from Sheffield. In September 2015, Matt's life was turned upside-down by the arrival of his first child, Charlie. After three months of fatherhood, he logged on to Facebook and wrote about his experience of having to live with 'a furious, sleep-murdering, unstable and incontinent, breasts-obsessed midget lodger'. Within days, his post about surviving the first few months of parenthood became a viral sensation and was shared all over the world. He continues to
impart his parental triumphs and disasters on his blog, Man vs Baby.

Facebook: /manversusbaby
Twitter: @mattcoyney
www.man-vs-baby.co.uk

  • Other details

  • ISBN: 9781472243751
  • Publication date: 20 Apr 2017
  • Page count:
  • Imprint: Wildfire
A hero for dads everywhere — Daily Mirror
Very, very funny — Phillip Schofield, This Morning
Hilarious but accurate account of finding your feet as a parent ... Matt Coyne's post has struck a chord with parents from all over the world — Daily Mail
Brutally honest rant on the reality of parenthood has taken the internet by storm — Sunday Telegraph
Wildfire

Man vs. Toddler

Matt Coyne
Authors:
Matt Coyne

More inept, more clueless and more exhausted than ever, the man behind the blogging phenomenon Man vs Baby is back with the latest instalment in his (and his son Charlie's) journey through the chaos and comedy of parenting In the follow-up to the critically acclaimed Sunday Times bestseller Dummy comes Man vs Toddler - the story of what happens when your little one is transformed from an innocent bundle of joy into a creature that walks, talks... and craps in a plastic bucket in the middle of your living room.Man vs Toddler exposes the lie that, that when it comes to parenting 'it gets easier'. But it is just as foul-mouthed and heart-warming as Matt's first book, and will have you laughing and crying with recognition as he shares his observations and advice on everything from tantrums to the horrors of soft-play.

Headline

Cat vs Trump

For fans of The Beautiful Poetry of Donald Trump and demoralised cats who need a pick-me-up.You know Donald Trump, right? Wobbly orange trumpet on legs? The answer to the question: 'What would the offspring of a Wotsit and a dolphin look like?' Yeah, that guy. Well, he also happens to be the 45th President of the United States of America. There are many questions to be asked of Trump - did he collude with Russia? Is his hair made from caramelised orangutan farts? More pressing than all of them, though, is this: Is he smarter than your cat?*There's only one way to find out...To complete the Cat vs Trump test you will need:A catA pencilThe ability to forget that the world feels like it's on the brinkof nuclear apocalypse for a bitA reminder of POTUS's biggest gaffes and a genuine cat IQ test all in one, this is the perfect present for cat lovers and Donald detractors alike... *SPOILER ALERT - NO

Headline

I'm Sorry, I Love You: A History of Professional Wrestling

Jim Smallman
Authors:
Jim Smallman

'Filled with passion, humour, and a little bit of welcome weirdness. A must-read for every die-hard wrestling fan' - Mick FoleyFor fans of books from Chris Jericho, Steve Austin, Daniel Bryan, Mick Foley and Jim Ross. 'We have all felt every emotion today. Remember today, the next time a family member or workmate tells you that wrestling is stupid. We've laughed, we've cried, we've screamed our lungs out. Professional wrestling is the greatest thing in the entire world.' - Jim Smallman, 2016 Comedian and PROGRESS Wrestling founder Jim Smallman takes us on a wild ride through the history of pro-wrestling, from its beginnings at the turn of the twentieth century to the pop-culture, pay-per-view juggernaut that it is today.Join Jim as he looks at the most defining and iconic moments in wrestling's history and attempts to nail down just why this ludicrous, over the top, compelling quasi-sport means so much to so many people.

Wildfire

Humans

Tom Phillips
Authors:
Tom Phillips

An exhilarating journey through the most creative and catastrophic f*ck ups in human history, from our very first ancestor falling out of that tree, to the most spectacular fails of the present day. In the seventy thousand years that modern human beings have walked this earth, we've come a long way. Art, science, culture, trade - on the evolutionary food chain, we're real winners. But, frankly, it's not exactly been plain sailing, and sometimes - just occasionally - we've managed to really, truly, quite unbelievably f*ck things up.From Chairman Mao's Four Pests Campaign, to the American Dustbowl; from the Austrian army attacking itself one drunken night, to the world's leading superpower electing a reality TV mogul as President... it's pretty safe to say that, as a species, we haven't exactly grown wiser with age. So, next time you think you've really f*cked up, this book will remind you: it could be so much worse...PRAISE FOR HUMANS:'In dark times, it's reassuring to learn that we've always been a bunch of clueless f*cking nitwits' Stuart Heritage, author of Don't Be a Dick, Pete'A light-touch history of moments when humans have got it spectacularly wrong... Both readable and entertaining' Telegraph

Headline

Confessions of a Single Mum

Amy Nickell
Authors:
Amy Nickell

Want to know what it's really like to be a single mum? Perfect for fans of Part-Time Working Mummy and Why Mummy Drinks, this will inspire you to own your single status and make you realise that you're not alone.'A joyful and moving first person account of solo parenthood and confronting societal expectations of "family" after falling pregnant age 24. Bravo Amy!' Pandora Sykes'This goes off like a rocket and never lets up . . . this is like going out with your best mate for a coffee and them telling you their whole experience' Penny Smith'Amy's frank and down-to-earth story is inspiring and honest' The SunWhen Amy Nickell left university, she managed to nab herself a real life paid job as a celebrity reporter in London town. She literally got paid to ask Robert Downey Junior out for Nando's, while living with her gay best friend, their Harry Styles cardboard cutout and their pet toad, Snoop Frog. Things were good, they were fun and they definitely weren't serious. That life took a very grown up, very serious detour when Amy found herself unexpectedly pregnant. Pregnant and without a boyfriend. And so her life went in an altogether new direction...From plus one dating to lactating way too near to Simon Cowell, this is Amy's wonderfully frank, honest and hilarious story of a family that is anything but nuclear. So whether you've just arrived, are on the way or have been here a while, this is for anyone who's found themselves scratching their head and wondering:'How the hell did I end up here?'What readers are saying about Confessions of a Single Mum:'You don't have to be a single mum or female to love this book! Amy is an absolute hero and role model to everyone. Unbelievably funny and inspirational''Hilarious and heartwarming'

Headline

A History of Heavy Metal

Andrew O'Neill
Authors:
Andrew O'Neill

'Absolutely hilarious' - Neil Gaiman'One of the funniest musical commentators that you will ever read . . . loud and thoroughly engrossing' - Alan Moore'A man on a righteous mission to persuade people to "lay down your souls to the gods rock and roll".' - The Sunday Times'As funny and preposterous as this mighty music deserve' - John HiggsThe history of heavy metal brings brings us extraordinary stories of larger-than-life characters living to excess, from the household names of Ozzy Osbourne, Lemmy, Bruce Dickinson and Metallica (SIT DOWN, LARS!), to the brutal notoriety of the underground Norwegian black metal scene and the New Wave Of British Heavy Metal. It is the story of a worldwide network of rabid fans escaping everyday mundanity through music, of cut-throat corporate arseholes ripping off those fans and the bands they worship to line their pockets. The expansive pantheon of heavy metal musicians includes junkies, Satanists and murderers, born-again Christians and teetotallers, stadium-touring billionaires and toilet-circuit journeymen. Award-winning comedian and life-long heavy metal obsessive Andrew O'Neill has performed his History of Heavy Metal comedy show to a huge range of audiences, from the teenage metalheads of Download festival to the broadsheet-reading theatre-goers of the Edinburgh Fringe. Now, in his first book, he takes us on his own very personal and hilarious journey through the history of the music, the subculture, and the characters who shaped this most misunderstood genre of music.

Wildfire

The Picture of Dorian Greyhound (Classic Tails 4)

Oscar Wilde, Eliza Garrett
Authors:
Oscar Wilde, Eliza Garrett
Wildfire

Romeow and Juliet (Classic Tails 3)

William Shakespeare with Eliza Garrett
Authors:
William Shakespeare with Eliza Garrett

CLASSIC TAILS - the greatest works of literature, as told by the finest breedsWe all have our favourite classic tales; books that have been beloved to us since childhood, whose wonderful stories and rich tapestry of characters are unsurpassed in modern literature. How, you may ask, could these marvellous works ever be improved upon?Reader, ask no more...for we present Romeow and JulietYou've never read Shakespeare like this, till now: / The tragedy of Juliet, and her Romeow.In fair Purrona, two furry families are at war. But when Romeow, the son of Montamew, sneaks into a Cattulet ball, he falls in love with beautiful Juliet - the daughter of his father's sworn enemy. So begins the tale of two star-crossed kitties, who must defy this feline feud to try and live - but ultimately, tragically die - together...What readers are saying about Romeow and Juliet:'A light-hearted catty take on Romeo and Juliet - a great one to pick up for Christmas!' 'This is such a beautiful and wonderful book to own and perfect for anyone, no matter if you've read Shakespeare or not!' '5 stars. Loving this - and the other books in the series'

Wildfire

The Great Catsby (Classic Tails 2)

Eliza Garrett
Authors:
Eliza Garrett
Wildfire

Pugs and Prejudice (Classic Tails 1)

Jane Austen, Eliza Garrett
Authors:
Jane Austen, Eliza Garrett
Headline Home

Unplugged Parenting

Dr Elizabeth Kilbey
Authors:
Dr Elizabeth Kilbey

The book that every parent needs. Written by the expert child psychologist, Dr Elizabeth Kilbey, from Channel 4's The Secret Life of 4, 5 and 6 Year Olds. 'Children who get too much screen time are at risk of anxiety disorders' - BBC NewsThis is the book that every parent with a child under the age of 11 (in the latency stage of brain development) needs in order to navigate the tricky pathway of how much screen time to allow on a daily basis. Play has gone from a physical, creative experience using toys and imagination to something that now involves sitting down alone for hours at a time. Parents are dealing with children who don't listen to them, who are unable to concentrate for very long, who refuse to do homework and who constantly battle against them for more screen time. In this book, Dr Elizabeth Kilbey will offer tangible, practical advice about how to 'unplug' your child from their device so their online time doesn't become all-consuming and how we, as parents, can plug in to connect with our children.

Headline

Egg and Soldiers

Miles Jupp
Authors:
Miles Jupp

'A gloriously enjoyable read from start to finish' - Daily Express'Here's a book to savour' - Mail on SundayMiles Jupp (News Quiz presenter, star of Rev, I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue and The Thick Of It) delves into the mind of his comedy creation Damien Trench - urbane food writer and protagonist of BBC Radio 4's acclaimed sitcom In and Out of the Kitchen. 'Are you Damien Trench?' said the lady operating the stall.'I might be,' I said to the lady.'You are though, aren't you?' she asked.'Well...yes,' I agreed. And that was that.She seized me by both hands, pulled me towards her, and launched into a passionate monologue that covered a selection of dessert recipes that I had once offered up in print, her difficult relationship with soft cheeses and her husband's irritable skin. So intense was her manner that it was extremely difficult to tell if she was scolding or praising me. All I knew was that she was staring so intently at me that I became worried that parts of me would dry up and just drop off like smoked chipotles. Also, her eyes were so extremely wide open that I began to worry that it might be dangerous to let so much light into your head. As soon as she stopped speaking, I thanked her for being willing to share, broke free from her grasp, panic-bought three punnets of raspberries on the way out and then sprinted back to the Uno as fast as fast can be.'Whether you're already a fan of Jupp's bumbling bon viveur, or are stumbling across him for the first time, here's a book to savour.' Mail on Sunday

Headline

James Acaster's Classic Scrapes - The Hilarious Sunday Times Bestseller

James Acaster
Authors:
James Acaster

THE SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER and 2017 Humour Book of the Year pick'Laugh-out-loud hilarious' - Chortle'I don't think I've ever read a book that has made me cry with laughter as much as this one. It was very difficult reading it in public as I looked like a madman' - Richard Herring 'James Acaster has a brilliant comic mind, crackling with energy every bit as much as his corduroy slacks' - Milton JonesJames Acaster has been nominated for the Edinburgh Comedy Award five times and has appeared on prime-time TV shows like MOCK THE WEEK, LIVE AT THE APOLLO and RUSSELL HOWARD'S STAND UP CENTRAL.But behind the fame and critical acclaim is a man perpetually getting into trouble. Whether it's disappointing a skydiving instructor mid-flight, hiding from thugs in a bush wearing a bright red dress, or annoying the Kettering Board Games club, a didgeridoo-playing conspiracy theorist and some bemused Christians, James is always finding new ways to embarrass himself.Appearing on Josh Widdicombe's radio show to recount these stories, the feature was christened 'James Acaster's classic scrapes'. Here, in his first book, James recounts these tales (including never-before-heard stories) along with self-penned drawings, in all their glorious stupidity.

Headline

The Crap Secret Santa Gift Book

Secret Santa
Authors:
Secret Santa

A budget-friendly Secret Santa present for fans of How to Poo at Work and Very British Problems featuring advice on how to survive the office christmas party, silly games to play in meetings and, on one page, a picture of a really evil swan. Perfect for that bloke in marketing whose name you've forgotten. Dear _____,Look, I never signed up to this 'Secret Santa' crap. If I had it my way we'd spend the money on a paddling pool and fill it with gin, or a pool table or something. And I'm sure you're great, but in all honesty I'm not really sure who you are. That's why I pretended to be on my phone in the lift the other day.Anyway, seeing as it's compulsory, I decided to get you this very expensive and interesting book, featuring such things as: Tips on how to survive the office partyStupid games to play in meetingsExamples of things I could have got you instead of this bookA picture of a swanLet's face it, you're only going to leave this behind in the pub or give it to your weird nephew you're secretly terrified of, so stop complaining.Oh, and Merry Christmas.Yours,'Secret Santa'

Headline

The Wasp That Brainwashed the Caterpillar

Matt Simon
Authors:
Matt Simon
Headline

Fathers and Sons

Alexander Waugh
Authors:
Alexander Waugh

The Waugh family has been writing books since the nineteenth century. Evelyn's father, brother and son were all writers and now his grandson has taken up the baton. Based on recollections of his father, Auberon, and on a mine of hitherto unseen documents relating to Evelyn and his close family, Alexander Waugh skilfully traces the threads of influence that have linked father to son across a century of conflict, turmoil and change.FATHERS AND SONS is much more than a family tale: it is a study of birth and death, of writers and writing, of conforming and rebelling. It is a frank and intimate memoir, a revealing history and a book about famous men.

Headline

F**k This Journal

Dale Shaw
Authors:
Dale Shaw

For fans of The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F**k...Paralysed with bitterness and an overwhelming desire to push people over? Looking for ways to spur your rotten creative core? Need an outlet for your twisted thoughts and pathetic dreams? Struggling for a secret santa gift for the creepy bloke in marketing?Well, look no further than F**K This Journal - the only book to use anger and resentment as the pointy stick to goad your inner artistic pursuits. It's time to embrace your 'Cre-hate-tivity'. And remember: You are a star! (Dim, distant and dead inside.)

Tinder Press

The Other Side of the World

Stephanie Bishop
Authors:
Stephanie Bishop

Headline

Hello Life!

Marcus Butler
Authors:
Marcus Butler
Headline Eternal

This Wedding Is Doomed!

Amanda Berry, Shawntelle Madison, Stephanie Draven, Jeannie Lin
Authors:
Amanda Berry, Shawntelle Madison, Stephanie Draven, Jeannie Lin

If you adore Tracy Bloom, Cathy Bramley, Holly Martin and Lindsey Kelk, then this delighfully fun and flirty book is for you. At this wonderfully wacky wedding, you'll be treated to stolen kisses, saucy secrets, and happy endings when you least expect them... A perfectionist wedding planner and a troublemaking uncle end up in a sticky situation, and more than sparks fly...Two lifelong best friends are accidentally trapped in a wine cellar, and resort to sampling the wine - and each other...After years of covering the groom's many misdeeds, the best man must choose between loyalty and the love of a wedding singer.And a runaway bride, a hunky caterer and a stolen wedding cake hit the road in a hijacked van, and head towards a happy-ever-after. Don't miss the wedding of the year, where everyone has the chance of falling in love.