Read an EXCLUSIVE NEW SCENE featuring the eponymous characters from The Ballad of Smallhope and Pennyroyal by Jodi Taylor
I was tied to a chair in a cellar and not looking forward to the next ten minutes when, finally, Pennyroyal burst in.
Not armed to the teeth and with his own tank as you’d expect, but wearing bright red lipstick, blusher, and a rather attractive scarf wound artistically around his head.
I suspect the entire world experienced a WTF moment and ceased to spin on its axis.
There was stone-cold silence in the stone-cold cellar. And then …
‘Oh! Lawks! Miss Amelia, Ah do declayer ah turn ma back for fav lil’ old seconds and just look at you.’
He gestured and everyone obediently dragged their eyes from him to me.
Which gave him the opportunity needed. The next moment miscreants were lying on the floor and not feeling very well at all.
I found my voice. ‘What the hell?’
‘What?’
‘You!’
‘What about me?’
‘Lawks? Lil’ ole Miss Amelia?’ My voice went up another octave. ‘Lipstick?’
‘I work with what I can get,’ he said, slightly miffed at this massive under-appreciation. ‘No weapons. All I could find was a handbag and a scarf.’
I was speechless by now.
‘The words you are looking for,’ he said, somewhat grumpily, ‘are triumph of ingenuity.’
‘No, I’m pretty sure they’re not. Untie me.’
‘Well, I’m not sure I will now.’
‘How about we get this lot back to TPHQ then you can nip off and storm a city to reassert your masculinity?’
Was it so naughty of me not to have reminded him to wash off the lipstick? At least before dropping our prisoners off at TPHQ?
Yeah, it was, wasn’t it?